


Wishing He Was Somehow Here Again

by IvanW



Series: The Bond Between Series [3]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-20
Updated: 2013-09-20
Packaged: 2017-12-27 02:35:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/973264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his visit with Kirk and Spock on New Vulcan, Spock Prime remembers his own Kirk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wishing He Was Somehow Here Again

**Author's Note:**

> The Kirk and Spock (young) are Quinto and Pine. The Primes are who they are...obviously 
> 
> This is also part of The Bond Between series. You do not necessarily have to read that series to read this. 
> 
> Oh and warning, angst.

Seeing young James T. Kirk was always gratifying. It always brought Spock a rush of feelings he thought long suppressed. Forgotten. That was not honest. Pushed aside. For his own sake.

Long after his young counterpart departed with his captain saying their last goodbyes before their dinner with Sarek, Spock stood in the door way watching their figures become smaller and smaller.

Seeing Jim—a young, vibrant laughing, fully alive Jim—brought both joy and pain. True he was still younger than when Spock had first met James Tiberius Kirk but the resemblance, the similarities, the mannerisms and the cockiness were all there in _this_ Jim. Not an exact copy of Jim, but very close, enough that Spock felt him.

But he knew no matter how much the brilliant smile matched his captain, how much the voice even sounded like his captain to the point Spock got goose bumps, this was not his Jim. His Jim, his captain, had been gone more years than Spock wanted to dwell on.

He closed the front door, but not the door on his memories. They weighed heavily on him tonight. Perhaps it was the sheer vital energy emanating from young Jim, the possessive jealousy thrumming off his young counterpart, so reminding him of himself. Or the pictures he’d indulgently brought out as much for him as for Jim the night before.

Spock went to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of herb tea from his teapot. This one was new, this teapot. But it reminded him, perhaps illogically, of a teapot purchased for him long ago.

_“Hey, Spock, look at this.”_

_Spock turned away from perusing a shelf of rare spices to see his captain standing in front of a display of teapots. He stepped close to inspect them._

_“This one is really interesting. See the reds, browns and oranges?” Jim smiled. He ran his finger along the smooth handle. “You know what it reminds me of?”_

_“No, Captain. What?” Spock didn’t look at the teapot. His eyes were focused solely on his captain, his hazel eyes warm with affection._

_“Vulcan.”_

_Spock glanced at it now, raising an eyebrow. “Vulcan, Captain?”_

_“Yep. All the colors. It’s just like the planet.” His grin widened and as usual Spock found it hard to look away. “You have to have this.”_

_“I do not think—”_

_“I’m totally getting it,” his captain insisted. “You can use it for that weird tea you’re always drinking.” He picked it up and turned it over, his eyes widening for just a brief second._

_“How much is it?”_

_Jim shook his head. “Never mind that. It’s a gift. You aren’t supposed to ask, Spock.” And he wandered off to the merchant, teapot in hand._

Spock ran his finger along the handles of this teapot. No, it was not the same, but close enough that he treasured it almost as much as the one Jim had given him which was long since lost to time.

There were so many things even now that reminded him of Jim. It was not as though Spock had forgotten his T’hy’la. Never that. Seeing Jim in this timeline had been a shock and had meant a great deal to him at that moment, give the destruction of Vulcan, but Spock always had Jim with him.

He went to his sleeping room to find what he wanted. Spock had not indulged in it for a long time because viewing it brought him enormous grief. But he needed it this night.

Spock brought the special PADD out, holding it against him as though it were the most precious thing. It was close. Not the most precious, but a representation of him.

He made himself comfortable on the sofa with his tea and his PADD and he turned it on. Instantly the image of _his_ Jim appeared. Brilliant smile and all. A little gray at the temples, a few crinkle lines at his hazel eyes, so warm and beautiful. Spock stared, the sorrow enveloping him almost too much to bear. _This_ was _his_. Or _had_ been. All too briefly.

He pushed play and Jim came to life again.

_“Spock!” He laughed. “Okay, this is kinda weird. When I found out we’d be separated for a month I thought, hey, you know what I could do? I could send Spock a love letter. Well, I decided a video love letter would be better still.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “But yeah, now it seems, weird._

_Oh, well. I’m in now. Hey, Spock, do you remember when I was trapped in space when the Tholians were webbing our ship and I made that video for you and Bones to see? The one in the event of my death? You do know I know you two lied when you said you didn’t watch it.”_

_He laughed. “Why the hell am I bringing that up again, anyway? I must be going senile. You know how old people go, remember when…” He rolled his eyes. “God, I miss you. It’s only been what? A week and a half? I can’t sleep without you now. I never could sleep much even with you but now? It’s hell. I keep reaching out for you but you aren’t there. Is that the bond or just you and me? I brought one of your uniform shirts so I can smell it. Sap, right? But I have it with me when I try to sleep. But you know what? Smelling you just turns me on and so you know how that ends? Yeah, with my hand._

_I bet you just blushed then, huh? This is fucked. I mean, we’re bondmates, right? We should be together. After everything we’ve been through, don’t we deserve a break? Just…whatever you do…don’t…don’t die on me again. I don’t know how I’m still sane after that. I know this sounds crazy but I swear I can survive losing anything else but you. Spock. I love you. T’hy’la. You’re everything to me.” He smiled. “I guess that’s it for now. Kirk out.”_

There was a soft tap at his front door. Spock, still holding his PADD, went to the door and opened it to reveal Jim Kirk. Young Jim Kirk. As illogical as it was, for two point one seconds he’d almost thought he’d conjured up his Jim. But no, this was the younger one that was not quite his Jim.

This Jim flashed that smile. “Hey Spock, I hope you don’t mind I came back. I didn’t get much chance to say goodbye so I—Wait. You look upset.” Frowning, he forced his way inside the door and stepped inside Spock’s house. “What is it? Spock, what’s wrong?”

“I am all right, Jim.”

“No you aren’t.” His gaze went to the PADD in Spock’s hands. “Did you get a message? Something bad?”

Spock shouldn’t have been surprised when Jim pried the PADD out of his hands. It was just the sort of impetuous behavior he expected from Jim.

Jim blinked and then his eyes went very wide. “Oh, my God. It’s me.” He looked at Spock. “I mean, him. Isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Can I see it?” he asked in a voice barely over a whisper.

Part of Spock wanted to say no. He did not wish to interfere with this timeline and even Jim seeing the Jim of the other Universe could possibly be considered interference. And part of Spock wanted to keep _his_ Jim to himself. But Spock found that it was very difficult for him to say no to Jim. So he nodded mutely.

Jim clutched the PADD and went to the sofa. He held it like it was fragile, which Spock was grateful for. To him, it was and the loss of it would be devastating. Jim pushed play and watched the message from his older self with his gaze riveted. He watched it again without comment, but Spock did not miss the wet sheen in his blue eyes.

After a third time, Jim sank to his knees next to the sofa, tears streaming down his face. “He loved you so much.”

Spock, feeling his own throat tightening, nodded. “And I him.”

“I can’t—I can’t. I’m so sorry,” Jim said, brokenly.

‘You have no reason to be sorry, Ashayam,” Spock assured him. “I had my life with Jim.”

“You miss him.”

“Yes. But all living things die eventually. It is something we all must accept.”

He closed his eyes tight. “I don’t want to accept it. You’re so brave, Spock. Much braver than I could ever be.”

Spock was not at all surprised when his young counterpart arrived. He looked to Spock, his gaze searching when he noticed his Jim so distressed. His counterpart nodded and knelt next to _his_ T’hy’la. That thought caused Spock pain, but it was all too true. This Jim belonged to his counterpart.

“Jim,” he said very softly. He brushed a tear off Jim’s cheek. “Ashayam, we are needed back on the Enterprise.”

Jim opened his eyes and stared at his Spock, and then threw his arm around his neck. “Please, don’t ever leave me.”

“I never will, T’hy’la.”

His young counterpart helped him to his feet and Jim looked down at the PADD he still held. He let go of his Spock and went to Spock to hand it to him.

“You amaze me,” Jim said, his eyes still watery. He took Spock’s hands in his and squeezed them together. “We’ll talk soon, yes?”

“Indeed.” Spock embraced him and then walked with his younger self and his younger captain to the door once more. “Live Long and Prosper.”

Jim smiled. “Live Long and Prosper.”

And then they left his house once more. This time, Spock suspected, for good. He did not believe his death was imminent but he did not have a lot of years left and Jim and his Spock did not get to New Vulcan often. They were busy living their lives, the lives they were meant to live…together.

Spock was gratified they would have more years together then he had with his Jim. But really a thousand years would never have been enough. 


End file.
